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observing the romanticism
of hooded cemetery kids,
smoking cigarettes pretending
they are not dead.

you were always so sure
about my uncertainty,
you watched
all my pick up lines
drop things.

we built the heat
of the evening from the solidity
of starlight,

pretended
that two teens at the park
at midnight
is the stuff of teen novels
(cliches dim on
our leaf-gold horizon)

your eyes darted
from the gray expanse
of the churchyard & wandered
in thoughtful
paths.

i wanted to ask you
if i could follow. shove
the words aside &
remember that i came here alone.

i remember our innocence
in the static b e t w e e n
stars, think
about how youth without you is th-
awing out the lines in my whittled-out eyes.

look to the hooded
cemetery kids,

wonder what we'd have been like
if we grew up as nothings,
like them. teenage
nothings with chiseled
marble in our
voices, carved
out of our parents' adulterated
lies and the excitement of alcohol.

i settle for a star.
it's almost as luminous
as the afterglow of us,
almost as eerie as the cookie cutter continent
we pledged allegiance to
just because we were raised that way.

i wanna know
what it's like to break the rules,
to be embodied by rebellion and (t)reason.
voice trembles,

asks the hooded
cemetery kids
how.

glances aside, grins
with every intention to show me.
limbs contract in protest &
leaves crunch beneath
two bodies.

wakes up with hand
between legs beneath
a tearless sky. catch
sight of a star,

wonder what that star would have been like
if it had been a planet
with technicolor
comets in its orbit.

instead i wander from the leaf-strewn churchyard,
walk in the direction of you,
and think
maybe it's better for stars
to stay as they are.


Edit-- February 23rd, 2013: I wish I could say something that sounds more appreciative than "thank you", but please know that embedded in those words is an unspeakable gratitude. I adore you all.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-02-23
The suggester praises, clever wordplay and formatting compliment clear yet dizzying images sprinkled with the intangible essence of searching. starspun is by ~BittersweetObsession ( Suggested by LadyofGaerdon and Featured by Nichrysalis )
:iconanobrain:
anobrain Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2013
"wonder what that star would have been like
if it had been a planet
with technicolor
comets in its orbit."

beautiful :heart:
Reply
:iconbittersweetobsession:
BittersweetObsession Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2013   General Artist
thank you<3
Reply
:iconfairytail1o1:
FAIRYTAIL1O1 Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013  Student General Artist
*speechlessness* wow so good wait no i take that back it's great. u have a great way with words! (*O*)
Reply
:iconbittersweetobsession:
BittersweetObsession Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2013   General Artist
thank you, lovely!<3
Reply
:iconhiddenshadowspirit:
HiddenShadowSpirit Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow. Speechless.
Reply
:iconbittersweetobsession:
BittersweetObsession Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013   General Artist
This is so kind! I appreciate your comments so much, dearie, you are so sweet<33 Thank you!
Reply
:iconhiddenshadowspirit:
HiddenShadowSpirit Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome.
Reply
:iconadonael:
Adonael Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I like the way you double reason with treason and the soft, gentle way this poem delivers its story. It's like a microscopic lens, zooming down to the finest details, each and every cell. That might sound like artistic bullshit, but that's how I saw the images as I read it.

Overall, thank you for reminding me that 'me' is enough. I have some work I have to do now.
Reply
:iconthirdim3nsion:
thirdim3nsion Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013
this piece creates a mood that I can't quite put a finger on, something of longing, something of nostalgia, something as cool as the admiration of hooded cemetery kids.

it left me wanting to know more about this relationship that has seemingly passed. instead i wander, walk in the direction of this poem.
Reply
:iconbatmanwithbunnyears:
BatmanWithBunnyEars Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013   General Artist
I just want to let you know I linked you in my latest work, Frozen Starlight, which was inspired by a line in in this poem. Again, great work!
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013   General Artist
Hooray for receiving a DD on this wonderful piece! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconbatmanwithbunnyears:
BatmanWithBunnyEars Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013   General Artist
I like how you smoothly transitioned between abstract, exotic concepts and everyday ideas. I don't see that very often in poetry.
Reply
:iconadagiobunny:
Adagiobunny Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Student Writer
WAH, so glad to see this sitting at the bottom of my screen as a DD...!! one of my first loves from you. congrats, hon, you really deserve it! :glomp:
Reply
:iconthelegendofderpy:
TheLegendofDerpy Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013
Nice.
Reply
:iconazungunumber27:
AzunguNumber27 Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Nice. I love the subject material - love blocked not by unshared emotion or any sort of complication, but by one's own sense of self-consciousness. Great job.
Reply
:iconnarcaholic:
Narcaholic Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Student
Beautiful :D
Reply
:iconconspiritorialkitten:
This is absolutely gorgeous! As someone who plays with words herself, I wish I could capture the imagery the way you do.
Reply
:iconbittersweetobsession:
BittersweetObsession Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013   General Artist
Gosh, I appreciate it so much. I hope you find the words you're looking for-- or, hah, the words you're looking to twist. It can take much time, but they'll come to you. Good luck fellow writer. :hug:

And thanks for the comment!
Reply
:iconmidiandamned:
MidianDamned Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Really great work, here! I'll second an earlier comment in that your use of imagery is immaculate, really. It also progresses very well, at times seeming discordant, but each time it flows right back into congruity.

Excellent piece!
Reply
:iconbittersweetobsession:
BittersweetObsession Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013   General Artist
Thank you so much!<3
Reply
:iconabracadabrante:
Abracadabrante Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013
I especially love the first stanza.
Wonderful work.
Reply
:iconbittersweetobsession:
BittersweetObsession Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013   General Artist
Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconkittykittyhunter:
kittykittyhunter Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013   Writer
Lovely work -- this piece contains a lot of beautiful imagery. I adore the juxtapositions in the second stanza.
Reply
:iconbittersweetobsession:
BittersweetObsession Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013   General Artist
Thank you! <3
Reply
:iconlostgryphin:
LostGryphin Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Congrats on the DD - beautifully written
Reply
:iconbittersweetobsession:
BittersweetObsession Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013   General Artist
Thank you, I appreciate it so much. :heart:
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Congrats on the well deserved DD! :dalove:
Have a nice day! :heart:
Reply
:iconbittersweetobsession:
BittersweetObsession Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013   General Artist
Thank you so much!
You too~!
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
My pleasure, thank you :happybounce:
Reply
:iconasprawlingumbrage:
ASprawlingUmbrage Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013
I found the first half of this poem astounding; it flowed smoothly like a creek, splashing more gently than most moving water over the rocks and shoals that lay scattered about its bed. Then, with the words "i remember our innocence in the static b e t w e e n stars", the creek would have drawn to a perfect end, a puddle to pool into a pond, a puddle to settle somewhere, building in the back of each passing bystander's mind, but instead it carried on to a second stretch, being harried and fattened until it had too much breadth for its beginnings.

Maybe life is a lot like that.
Reply
:iconbittersweetobsession:
BittersweetObsession Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013   General Artist
thank you for your kind, inspiring and very wisely worded feedback. i appreciate your pensive input on my work. you are lovely. <3
Reply
:iconasprawlingumbrage:
ASprawlingUmbrage Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013
Yes, well...

perhaps.
Reply
:iconayeaye12:
AyeAye12 Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Student Writer
Wow. This was definitely a lot better than my own interpenetration of stars "Forest Of Light"

But damn. Well deserved DD.
Reply
:iconbittersweetobsession:
BittersweetObsession Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013   General Artist
thank you so much<3
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012   General Artist
Congratulations on the well-deserved DLD, lovely :huggle:
Reply
:iconbittersweetobsession:
BittersweetObsession Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012   General Artist
Thank youuuu! c:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012   General Artist
Always:heart:
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012  Student Writer
this is beautiful. :heart:
Reply
:iconbittersweetobsession:
BittersweetObsession Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012   General Artist
thank you so much~ :hug:
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2012
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by =DailyLitDeviations and has been selected as our "Pick of the Day". It is featured in a news article here: [link] and on our main page.

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article. Keep writing and keep creating.
Reply
:iconadagiobunny:
Adagiobunny Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012  Student Writer
can i just say that you, my dear, are a wordplay goddess?

applause - that is all.
Reply
:iconbittersweetobsession:
BittersweetObsession Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012   General Artist
ahh, so sweet <3

thank you. always appreciate your feedback, buddy. it means a lot. :hug:
Reply
:iconadagiobunny:
Adagiobunny Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Student Writer
absolutely no problem! i'm glad it means something to you. it's a pleasure to read your works. :)
Reply
:iconforestmeetwildfire:
forestmeetwildfire Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
youth without you is th-
awing out the lines in my whittled-out eyes.


that there. genius. :clap:
Reply
:iconbittersweetobsession:
BittersweetObsession Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2012   General Artist
Mwahaha! I didn't know if people would get it :eyes:
Thank you. <33
Reply
:iconforestmeetwildfire:
forestmeetwildfire Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
i'm just smart like that :giggle:
you're welcome!
Reply
:iconinfinitexxx:
infinitexxx Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
i got chills! you are a simply amazing writer! this is so deep <3
Reply
:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2012  Professional Writer
I. love. this.

It's very clever, the way you've played around with the words and formatting. So many memorable lines. Just wonderful.
Reply
:iconbittersweetobsession:
BittersweetObsession Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2012   General Artist
Thank you so much! :love:
I appreciate the feedback a lot.
Reply
:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2012  Professional Writer
You're most welcome. :)
Reply
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