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Submitted on
August 1, 2011
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267
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sighing breaths
pierce through the moon
archaic poems
whispered,
gently spoken
coarse and strained
until her lips
were blistered.

knarled branches,
graveyard sorrows,
the killer waits among -
enticing her
into his grasp
from which her throat is wrung

/i love you/
is what he said,
/i love you/
is what he said,
he loved her enough to put
her in a six-foot-under
bed...

willow trees
frowning
upon the cemetery's silence,
"the bitch
got what she
deserved"
the willows' verbal violence

a silver casket
veiling all the
ashes and decay,
roses litter the
gravestone where
he is still astray


/i love you/
is what he said,
/i love you/
is what he said,
he loved her enough to put
her in a six-foot-under
bed.
This is kind of abstract and oddly-stylized, but I enjoyed writing it.

#theWrittenRevolution: What kind of imagery and emotions were conveyed to you from this piece? Was the pattern rhythmic or well-paced? How can it be improved?
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:iconcommentsforpoints:
CommentsForPoints Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2011
such a haunting piece.... great work.
Reply
:iconbittersweetobsession:
BittersweetObsession Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2011   General Artist
Thank you!
Reply
:iconrenaissancelover:
RenaissanceLover Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wow. This is haunting, disturbing, and beautiful. I like your imagery and writing style.
Reply
:iconbittersweetobsession:
BittersweetObsession Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2011   General Artist
Thank you very much! :)
Reply
:iconxxmoonlight-1-wishxx:
XxMoonlight-1-WishxX Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
This came out beautifully!
Reply
:iconbittersweetobsession:
BittersweetObsession Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2011   General Artist
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconxxmoonlight-1-wishxx:
XxMoonlight-1-WishxX Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem :hug:
Reply
:iconcommentsforpoints:
CommentsForPoints Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2011
The description in this is breathtaking. Great job, this is beautiful. :clap:
Reply
:iconbittersweetobsession:
BittersweetObsession Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2011   General Artist
Thank you~!
Reply
:icontionoasin:
Tionoasin Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is awesome "is what he'd said," kinda annoyed me because it sounds weird but it's all good
Reply
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